Vogue’s Viral Question: “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?” , And What It Reveals About Leadership, Attunement, and Identity

By Dr. Noré Salman, Psy.D.

Empowering executives with neuroscience‑informed strategies to enhance performance, emotional intelligence, and relational impact.

Introduction

You’ve led teams, built culture, and elevated performance. You know that attunement , that emotional presence, responsiveness, co‑regulation , is your leadership’s neurological oxygen. Now, the same principle is surfacing in our most personal relationships. A recent article from British Vogue asks: “Is having a boyfriend embarrassing now?” (https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/is-having-a-boyfriend-embarrassing-now). In that provocative question lies a deeper truth: the script of partnership, identity, and relationship visibility is changing. As a leader, your approach to identity , professional and personal , matters. Here’s what that change means for you and how you can leverage it to lead with authenticity, attunement, and strategic relational power.

1. The Shift in Relationship Identity

According to the Vogue article, “Being partnered doesn’t affirm your womanhood anymore; it is no longer considered an achievement.” That line speaks volumes: what used to signal status, now signals a default narrative , and many are opting out. Women and men alike are recalibrating their relationship stance: visible coupledom is no longer a badge of success. Instead, selective visibility, subtle boundaries, and self‑possession are becoming marks of maturity and strength.

2. Why “Having a Boyfriend” Feels Awkward Now

For many, it’s not the relationship that’s the issue , it’s the visibility, the narrative, the performance. The relationship is there , but the show‑case is being removed. Why? Several reasons emerge:

• Protecting internal trajectory: Posting a partner can feel like tying your forward momentum to someone else’s rhythm , which may feel exposure‑risky for high‑performing individuals.
• Negating the “boyfriend‑flex”: In a culture rethinking gender, power and identity, owning a relationship feels like conforming.
• Guarding against post‑breakup regret: Some expressed fear of “being stuck with the posts” once the break‑up arrives.
• Reclaiming singular identity first: Being single no longer means lonely. It means sovereign.

3. What This Means for Leadership, Attunement & Emotional Intelligence

As an executive coach working at the intersection of neuroscience, leadership and relational development, you’ll recognise powerful parallels:

• Relationship visibility = Professional narrative.
• Attunement becomes central.
• Autonomy + connection = leadership sweet‑spot.
• Visibility does not equal value.
• Cultural identity is shifting.

4. Practical Coaching Strategies for Executives

Here’s how you can apply these insights to your leadership and relational landscape:

• Assess your visibility narrative.
• Cultivate attunement as relational currency.
• Value autonomy + alliance.
• Shift from broadcasting to sharing.
• Reframe viewpoints on identity and success.
• Design for depth over display.

5. The Underlying Neuroscience & Psychology

From a neuroscience‑informed perspective:

• Attunement stimulates neural circuits for trust via oxytocin, down‑regulates cortisol, engages the vagal nerve for co‑regulation.
• Performance‑driven relational displays activate dopamine and reward circuits but can also trigger social comparison and threat circuits.
• Autonomy + connection aligns with optimal functioning: the prefrontal cortex governs self‑regulation and future‑focus, while limbic systems engage deep connection.
• Cultural scripts around identity are internalised heuristics from earlier decades. The new shift frees the executive brain for better resource allocation.

6. Bold Call to Rise

So where does this leave you? It leaves you at a turning point. The script that said “you succeed when you’re partnered, posted, rooted in a standard identity” is rewriting itself. For you, as a leader, coach, changemaker, the opportunity is to stand in your own relational sovereignty , anchored by attunement, elevated by emotional presence, not defined by status markers.

You don’t have to display your partnerships or your titles to prove your worth.

Your leadership emerges when you bring the same depth and relational intelligence you inspire in others into your own life. When you attune, you lead. When you choose presence over posture, you influence. When you rewrite your narrative, you elevate the field.

6. Ten Ways Men Can Add Value (So They’re Not “Embarrassing”)

Vogue’s viral question opened a deeper cultural dialogue, not about men being obsolete, but about the absence of emotional and relational value in many dynamics. Neuroscience shows that emotional attunement, not dominance, predicts both relational and professional success. Here are ten evidence-based ways men can elevate the dynamic, in love, leadership, and life:

1. Be emotionally attuned. Listen without defensiveness. Attunement activates empathy circuits and lowers cortisol in both partners.
2. Regulate your nervous system. Emotional regulation signals safety and builds trust, the foundation of influence and intimacy.
3. Lead with purpose, not ego. Leadership rooted in vision and service activates dopamine motivation networks without triggering control dynamics.
4. Practice accountability. Admitting mistakes activates humility pathways in the prefrontal cortex and strengthens relational credibility.
5. Be consistent, not performative. Reliability cues safety and predictability, calming the amygdala and promoting long-term connection.
6. Support her ambition. Research shows men who champion their partner’s goals increase oxytocin and mutual satisfaction.
7. Communicate with clarity and empathy. Replace intellectual debate with emotional literacy, it deepens resonance and collaboration.
8. Stay curious about her inner world. Curiosity engages the brain’s default mode network, enhancing empathy and connection.
9. Embody integrity. Consistency between words and actions reduces cognitive dissonance and increases perceived trustworthiness.
10. Cultivate presence. Presence, full, attuned attention, is the rarest form of leadership and love. It says, I’m here, I see you, I value you.